Me and this awesome boy at work have so much in common, even if he is a skater. But he's so pretty and I'm so :(

Dreaming about being drunk as you sleep drunk only causes you to still feel very inebriated when you do wake up.

Long day ahead of me at work.

Yesterday I realised that my brother loved me. Which might seem like a weird thing. My brother Carl has always been selfish, only seems to call or appear when he wants something. Usually money. So I'm not his biggest fan. But he's my brother so I love him and he is the father to my beloved nephews so I don't want to fall out for no reason.

He called me yesterday to tell me that he won £100 on a scratch card, which is just awesome. Not surprised he called me about it. I'd tell everyone if I won that too. The cute thing though was that he actually wanted to come down to my work from his home just to SHOW me the scratch card before he got his money. At first that might seem like someone just trying to rub success in anothers face but I realised that was my brother wanting to share his achievement with me. Or kinda like how a dog or cat will present you with a toy or dead animal it may have, with a kind of need to impress their owner.

I found it sweet really, that even after years of him acting selfish and me calling him out on it, he wanted to show me something he did that I could, well, be proud or happy about.

Aw families.

I shall upload a photo of my adorning neohew Oliver when I get home. It's been too long since his happy innocent face lit up my dull blog.

I also am home alone for 3 days which is just fucking beautiful. I relish the alone time, I just could soak in it, drown in the peace and freedom or not having to bother with people for a while. I so need to actually get a decent earning job and work to getting my own flat or something. Long overdue.

I must work on my sleep some more. A lot more. I think I'm trying to torture myself with sleep deprivation. Ok, not that severe. but I got 2 hours on friday night, 4 on saturday and 4 on sunday. Considering the amount of hours I work on a weekend I'm surprised I didn't drop off at my desk either morning. Thing is, I am tired of course but I just choose not to sleep. I'd rather stay awake for hours reading until I literally feel my eyes shutting down. Even then I'll usually force myself to try again until it really is useless and I give in to sleep.

I don't understand why I do it though. I love sleep, it's completely awesome. I seem to remember dreams every single night and while some are on the scary, weird or just downwhat wrong side of dreamlife I still love having them. I just seem to want to suffer I think.

And if there are many typos in this (likely) I'm sorry. I cannot be assed to read this back though as I am quite sleepy and brain dead.

Sorry I'm boring. Tell me about your weekend please.

The beginning of the end?

Doubt it. But still its nice to have something new to obsess over.

You know, holiday day. Then on the last day I wake up feeling a bit tight around my throat. Come around lunchtime I know I have flu like symptoms. just in time for work this morning, where I feel pretty shitty now at 4.56am. Ready to start for 5.

How is that fair?

I just discovered that my old mp3 player works which I didn't believe has worked for like 3 years. I just could never stand to get rid of it. It works now ramdonly and it's great to find some old songs that I loved around 4, 5 years ago but completely forgot about. Brilliant. It's like finding a close friend after a very long time. I feel weepy.

Updated as I listen to these songs of my past.

Dance Karate by Paperface is totally the best song ever too.

Oh wow Dashboard Confessional. Reminds me of someone too much still several years later. Incredible.

"Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs and sit alone and wonder how you're making out. Well as for me I wish that I was anywhere with anyone making out."

omg, Mousse T feat. Emma Lanford - Is It 'Cos I'm Cool?

What a song. I want to dance.

Ok so he's only like one month and a bit old but I kinda feel that it's wrong to do that to a kid. I'm not sure of the reasoning why, I imagine she and my brother had an argument over the name, maybe my brother realising that he didn't like the name Harris after all. I can't imagine Amina starting to dislike it as she was adamant on the name since before she conceived and got like bat shit crazy is people pronounced Harris wrong - Like saying 'Arris or Harrison, or even Harry.

Which is the most surprising part as his name is now Harry.

Personally I much prefer the name Harry even if I am now used to Harris, I just really worry about Amina and the babys relationship as I can't imagine her happily calling him Harry now. When my mum asked why all Amina said was "I don't want to talk about it. it makes me angry" so obviously she doesn't want to call her son Harry and I just hope for their sake that she can get over this.

Or go back to Harris. I don't know.

Poor baby.

Scala and Kolacny Brothers.

Not sure how to handle this situation. It's been a long time.

I can't control this feeling,
Something's happening inside me.
Our senses come alive,
The chemistry is building.
It's something that we're feeling,
There's nowhere you can hide.

It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get louder.

We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get stronger.

We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel better.

You can't change this energy inside

I gotta reach...
I gotta reach...
I gotta reach higher.

I wanna burn...
I wanna burn...
I burn like a fire.

Gotta move...
Gotta move...
Gotta move faster.

You can't change this energy inside

Perpetual emotion.
It's just a ripple in the ocean.
A shadow in the night.
Changes we're making for the better,
We're going through together.
There's nowhere you can hide.

It's more than a feeling,
We're building a dream
That we've always had clear in our sights.
Watch it ignite as we open our eye,
It's the one way we know to survive.

We're powerfully changing the world,
We're reclaiming our unity,
They can't divide.
They push us around,
But we're tearing it down,
And we're having the time of our life.

It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get louder.

We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get stronger.

We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel better.

You can't change this energy inside

I gotta reach...
I gotta reach...
I gotta reach higher.

I wanna burn...
I wanna burn...
I burn like a fire.

Gotta move...
Gotta move...
Gotta move faster.

You can't change this energy inside

Faster
Louder
Stronger
Better

Faster
Louder
Better

[You can't change this energy inside]