Today I had to put down my dog, my best friend, my Frankie.
It was so heartbreaking. I've had that dog since she was a pup. A little 7 week old cute as a button puppy. She would have been 10 on February 1st. Sadly it wasn't to be.
Everything was so sudden. She was fine all yesterday, even this morning at 6am when I let her out in the garden, just fine. I then went back to sleep for a bit and at around 10, my mum shouts down that the dog isn't walking properly. I practically jumped out of bed, downstairs to check on her. At first I thought 'oh shes just hurt herself after a walk or jumping off a bed again' but once she came upstairs with me to my room, I watched her and her breathing was so deep and laboured. Like every breath was a struggle. I called the vets then. Got her seen shortly and the vet said straight away that she looked anemic. They then kept her there for a few hours to do a blood test while I went home and worried myself online reading up on anemia in dogs. After the blood test they did an ultrasound and found cancer from her spleen.
The option of an operation was risky as chances were she wouldn't survive it and I didn't really want her dying on an operating table. The only other option was going to a specialist for thousands of pounds and the only difference being them being able to do a blood transfusion if needed, but still her chances were slim at best. So we had to get her put down.
And god it was hard so damn hard. We got to take her home and for some extra money got the vets to come here to do it. Which was better. I put Frankie on my bed, where she slept mostly and then just stayed with her. At that point she could barely move. Just had her eyes and ears alert. Couldn't even wag her tail properly and still breathing so deep.
The only time she responded was when the vets came. They knocked on the front door and she lifted her head and looked to my bedroom door. And she kept looking as they made their way upstairs. I think she knew what they had come to do. She could sense it, because even when my dad came to say goodbye or when someone knocked on the door for my brother she never reacted. Just when the vets came. It was weird.
And they did it and I stayed with her and just stroked her and kissed her and she was looking right at me as she stopped breathing and I just couldn't breathe myself then. It was hard to watch her go. Just seeing my best friend, the thing that saved me as a teen when I had no one, just watch her die, it was horrible. I miss her so much already and I can't believe that I never get to see her again. That she won't be jumping on my bed tonight once I go to sleep. That she won't wake me up by wagging her tail powerfully against my desk so that I get up and let her out. She won't cry everytime I say the word 'walkies' and just go mad until we're out the door together. I won't get to walk her again. She won't come lay against my back, like right now when I'm on my computer and just sleep with her head on my pillows after a big deep sigh and her back warming mine. None of it no more and it hurts.
I fucking love you Frankie. Not even joking when I say that you are my best friend.
tigerkitty
<3