"After a few moments the doors opened to my floor and I took a step forward to exit. Suddenly a hand stopped me, a heavy hand on my shoulder that pulled me back into the depths of that elevator. I was stunned with surprise and I faltered confused. That was until I felt a sharp prick against my arm and I realised what was happening. I tried to wrench myself away from the hand tightly holding onto me. I clawed onto the smooth walls as his other hand snaked around my waist holding me firm. I kept trying to grab anything I could to aid me, anything that would allow me to reach those doors. After a few struggling moments though I felt my eyes grow heavy and I gave up the fight against his body and instead tried to fight my own, trying to keep myself awake. It was all in vain though, and as the elevator doors calmly closed trapping me in that metal tomb so did my eyes."
[Touch Me And I Feel On Fire]
Age 37, Female
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Writing a story - WHAT DO YOU THINK?!
Comments
I thinks it's pretty intriguing. Good use of descriptive language
Thanks.
It's interesting. A nice, dark idea it seems like you have brewing, but maybe make it more twisted and add more enigma, or maybe pleasure in the pain. Try mixing up sentence structures to create something a bit more unconventional too, if you're wanting to unease the reader, that is. As I said though, it's pretty interesting, but maybe a bit too obvious that it's sedation - as again, maybe add more enigma.
Keep at it as it shows potential. :)
(also what happened to MSN on monday? :( )
Thanks, I apreciate that a lot. I just need to get round to completing it all. I suck at finishing stories.
Needs more Harry Potter.
I agree 100%.
Pretty good in my opinion, looks like the kind of story I could read and enjoy.
Though I understand this is just a small part of the unfinished story, so I can't really fault it if it isn't the finished thing.
Still, good work though.
Thank you :)
I read the first few words and I hated it
:(.
Rape?
Sounds like he is being kidnapped by some unknown force that he is afraid of, since he does not bother to attack him head on....
Rape.
It's actually a woman and this isn't the beginning, it's an extract.
lmao tolerateu called you a man
I don't care when people thinking I'm a guy on here.
Well played Didier. Ruined my accker and now Mancs are top of the league.
Man U would still be top even if Drogba scored.
Also I loled about the down bet.
Not to offend but it's very third set GCSE creative writing. What I mean is you've got a lot of 'I felt..' 'I was..' etc. when you could convey these things in more interesting ways. Also I feel it needs more setting description - I know it's a lift but it's hard to visualise what's going on, where the character is etc., as a reader. I know it's different when you write it; you know how it looks.
Me no real good at English. Seriously I'm not smart enough for detailed structure and such.
The whole thing is full of 'I this' and 'I that' because I'm writing it as the attacked woman, she's telling the story in text form, like a blog. I want the readers to see things from her point of view, make them feel for her.
And this isn't the beginning of it, so readers will know what is happening. I just used this part for me blog.
Thanks for the suggestions though.
I know, i like it too.
I'm dreaming, of a white christmas lalalala ~ ~ ~
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA45Tn">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA45Tn </a> JQxhU
its interesting..ill give you that but it does need improvement. Keep at it gagsy and ask some of the guys at the lit forums. those guys can help you
gag
i like your cum-stained sig xxx
Rallard
Needs a lot of work.
Gagsy
Ok.