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Gagsy
[Touch Me And I Feel On Fire]

Age 36, Female

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Kent, England

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Children

Posted by Gagsy - November 18th, 2010


So I went to see my cousin Sian yesterday. She had a baby a month ago and I only just been able to visit. Of course I bought a card and a few overpriced pieces of baby clothes which will be lucky to last longer than a month.

But anyway it dawned on me when I saw this baby how much of a baby person I really am NOT. I can look at a baby, coo like you're supposed to, call them cute like you're supposed to, ask all the baby questions like you're supposed to. I just feel uncomfortable around them though and when offered I just couldn't bring myself to hold this baby. Even if she wasn't as newborn as she'd been a month before, I just couldn't hold little Molly, this delicate thing. I felt I would break her by holding her, or hold her incorrectly. Then of course there are the smells, the noises, the constant worry over them.

It just sort it drilled it into my mind more that either I really don't want kids or I'm not ready at all. I think the former more. Of course I do know people who have said that they didn't like kids until they had their own and I'm sure any parent will say that the years of energy consumed for their children was worth it in the end, but I think I really could be happy enough not to have any myself.

I'm immature anyway, I doubt I could be a parent. I think I can live with 'just' being an aunt. I'll settle for that because I am the coolest fucking aunt.

See I love them when they are like Olivers age now. Of course I have loved Oliver at any age, even when he was a baby, though again I couldn't hold him when he was tiny and I remember having to babysit him one panicked afternoon when he was a few months old as my brother (Olivers dad) had to go to hospital. But yeah, give me a kid whos 3+ so they can control their bladder just about, be able to talk to you and tell you what they want and inbetween playing with them they can keep themselves quite amused on their own.

That's just perfect.

Speaking of Oliver, I just love that little kid more and more.

So the other day he was round playing with the lego I got for it. Just a few lego vehicles which he loves. Well because he's young still he has issues when pieces fall off, and he has to get me to mend them. I was just fixing the helicoper propellers back on and my dog comes over to me and sniffs the lego in my hands (as dogs tend to do when they see something they don't know which their master is holding and want to know what it is). Well Oliver saw that and said;

"No Frankie you can't play with the helicopter!". Which made me laugh. Then he looked around the sitting room and saw his old Thomas the Tank Engine train set thing which he used to love before lego and said;

"Frankie can play with Thomas" Which again made me laugh and I said thank you on the dogs behalf.

And then a bit later my mum offers him a biscuit.

"How many biscuits do you want Oliver? One?"

"I have twooo biscuits" he says, and he points this notion out by putting his two index fingers together as if in some kind of demonstration.

"Broken ones?" my mum asks.

"No! I have fixen ones!" which is the cutest thing ever he says.

So I head to the kitchen and get him his biscuits and of course the dog comes along to. As I'm getting out Olivers biscuits he just says;

"Frankie can have one". So I gave the dog a biscuit on his command. Just because I found it very sweet of him. See normally he'd just say about how Frankie only eats bones not food. I'm actually happy he is willing to share with a dog.

I don't doubt that this is due to my teaching, because as much as I love my sister-in-law she has a TERRIBLE attitude towards animals. Me and her are like complete opposites when it comes to any animal. Where as I will try my hardest not to harm a single creature she will with ease kill a single creature that is annoying her. She hates dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, anything. She finds animals disease ridden and even though she's gotten used to my dog you can tell she has issues with her being around still. Which is just her thing. I don't approve but she grew up that way. I would be damned though if my nephew had the same approach to animals.

He's going to have to grow up in an animal free home for sure. As I said my sister-in-law doesn't like them and my brother, while not being horrible to most animals is indifferent about them and certainly has killed his fair share of bugs in his past. I would just hate for my own nephew to be one of those kids afraid to say hello to a dog. It's always annoyed me when I'm walking my dog and I see these mothers who like stop, grab their children and almost shield them as if every dog they cross wants to bite them and infect them somehow, and they look at ME as if I'm some evil dirty person for daring to have such a vile creature.

So yes I don't want that of Oliver. So I've always encouraged him to be nice to the dog. To say hello to her, to pat her. Of course I don't expect or even want him to be as bat shit crazy about animal welfare as I am. I just want him to respect animals in this world and the way things are going, hopefully he will.

And that is all I want of my nephew.

I kind of lost my point about this blog again somewhere. I tend to ramble on.

I'll have to update this blog later with a cute picture of Oliver of course. Because, you know.


Comments

Man that's a long blog post. I read it all though.

You're kind of contradictory there. On one hand you don't like kids, on the other you really love your nephew...what gives?

It does sound a little contradictory I guess. Close family always mean more that's the reason.

I agree with you entirely on the point you made about being uncomfortable around small kids but finding them enjoyable at around your nephew's age. Children do not appeal to me at all. I just can't see myself being able to handle a responsibility of that magnitude. I was always terrified when my sister asked my to babysit my niece when she was little.

Babies are loud, delicate, messy, and time-consuming, and I find it difficult to tolerate any one of those characteristics, let alone all three.

Now that she's old enough that she's pretty much self-sustaining, though, it's not that bad at all.

I think it's nice that your liking animals and the like is rubbing off on him. I can't honestly say I'm a big fan of having pets, though, that whole responsibility thing again and all. I let off like I don't like animals to most people because I generally find them to be a boring conversation topic, but I suppose I do have a bit of a soft spot for them.

Thanks for the comment.

I take it you enjoy yout nieces company a lot more now?

As for animals, well it's a topic of discussion I could probably talk endlessly on. It's just about one of the very few things in life I am passionate about.

Interesting post. I actually like the fact that you contradict yourself at points. It really shows your thoughts coming together in real time. I found that kind of neat lol. Anyway I sorta am in the same boat as you. Im definately not a baby person. My cousins and shit have started to pop out kids and I've inevitably been getting nudged by my mom mostly. Like little casual comments of 'so when are you going to stop all this newgrounds stuff and settle down' or when is my grandson going to arrive. shit like that... it kinda irritates me. But in the end, i know im not really at a point in my life where having a kid interests me.
Kind of a fucked up way of putting it, using the word 'interest', but its kind of true. Also I can barely take care of myself and have my hands full with my own issues.
I do see myself having kids and settling down at some point. Just not now. I enjoy my freedom too much.

Hey Luis, lets have kids. I can like look after them until you come over for another London meet then hand them over to you until you next fly back here again and hand them back to me, and etc, etc, etc. It'd be the perfect setup.

Yeah I'm starting to feel the pressure a bit with my family, especially more now as my brothers girlfriend is unable to have children (or very very very low chance anyway) and my other brothers wife is in her 30s. She's already miscarried a couple of weeks into a pregnancy a few months ago. In fact they both sadly miscarried, which just sucks actually.

So I guess the pressure for me is on, even more so as I still show no signs of wanting a romantic partner, let alone to settle down and start a family.

And it's not a fucked up way of putting it really. More people should have an 'interest' (for lack of a better word) in having kids before they have them. If people did that then we wouldn't have so many children born into unsettle and unready households. If its not in your best interests right now then it's sensible to realise that. I think.

I'd allow my kids (if I was to ever have any) to pat or stroke a dog if it was walking down the street, as long as the owner was willing (probably not in my shithouse of a town - a lot of people are too hostile). I find it disappointing myself if children can't grow up in a house with a pet or something - we had a similar issue, sort of.. not because my mum didn't like animals (she loves them, dispite having asthma, as y'know, some animals set that off), but we usually got rid of our pets before they got too big.

I guess PJ's an exception as he's a terribly small dog, even when he's like 8 years old now. We usually had cats around the house, but I guess after so many years of cats, you sort of grow a sense of contempt towards them, mainly because they barely show enough affection unlike a dog. But yeah, I'm rambling on: if I had kids, we'll have a house full of pugs. Fuck tha poleese

Sorry for ignoring your comment in my previous blog. Believe it or not I didn't actually mean to. I was just expecting a comment from another user about football and when I saw it I sort of ignored the other comments. Football head. I need to stop that.

Personally I've always thought that every child should grow up with a pet or some sort. I think it teaches children a certain responsibility that you just can't get elsewhere. I'm going to generalize here but I do tend to find that the shitter people in life with 'holier-than-thou' attitudes are ones who never grew up looking after a pet.

Also when I was round my cousins, she had a friend over and the friend (bless her) while pregnant herself was looking after her 4 year old niece and looking after her brothers pug, who she both brought round my cousins house. The pug was hilarious. His name was Wilson which was adorable but he was so funny trying to get to the little girls Babybel. kept trying and failing to jump up on the coffee table, got stuck a couple of times in the room. It was cute. I wonder if he's the same? I found it so weird though as the dog was just like totally hard to 'command'. Well, all I wanted to do was say hi but he wouldn't listen. Guess I'm used to being around a 'smart' dog. Not trying to be rude, just that Border Collies are one of the smartest breeds :3 I don't think I could have a dog that wouldn't come to me when I called it. Seems too frustrating.

"So the other day he was round playing with the lego I got for it."

Did you just call him an 'it'?

I thought I got all the typos

:(

Birmingham 1 - 0 Chelsea
Tottenham 3 - 2 Arsenal

What are you? Thick?

I wanted Tottenham to win. And at least we played better. It wasn't like the Sunderland game where we were just shocking.

don't hand the title to united ffs.. you and arse are a bunch of fuckups

The way our injuries are going, we will. Though I think Arsenal will take it. Man U haven't been the same team this year, mostly lucky.