I've decided that I focus too much on bad stuff (no shit right) so I thought to try and get myself out of this slump, I would make a list of things in my life which I consider good. Even if the negative part of my brain tells me that such a list would be dull to others. BUT I DIGRESS;

1. Work

- I get to sit online during work hours. It doesn't affect my job output at all, so I take great comfort in sitting here right now typing away and earning for it.

I'm the best one here at my job. Ok, sure it's a small office where there are 6 of us who all seem to work around the clock, but I take some pride in knowing that even when I'm casually browsing the internet at work.

I'm still the best one here. I live close to work now which gives me a nice walk to and from work (no need for public transport), and while it's a pain to get up at 4.15am most mornings I do find something peaceful about being able to walk down to the office when the sky is dark, when the streets are empty, when the roads are quiet. It's a nice start to the day for me.

2. Family

- When I ordered my PC at the end of last year I didn't have the exact amount of funds in my bank account to pay for it. I asked my folks if they would mind me ordering the PC on their debit card and I would pay them the moment I got my next paycheck. They agreed, then when it came down to paying them back, my mum said that it was fine and that it would be a gift to me from them, saving myself like £500 and was just very awesome of them.

My nephew Oliver, who I get to see in 4 and a half hours. I never understood why children can be so amazing as I was growing up. Like most people I didn't see the joy of children until someone I am close to had one. And Oliver IS amazing. Considering that his folks are two of the most angry people you might meet (my brother Carl has 'heart attack at 40' written all over his face), Oliver is just so placid. Not in a worrying way or anything. He just enjoys being a happy little boy. Never moans or demands stuff. He's just so sweet. the most demanding thing he does as a 3 year old is when you give him one biscuit he says "I have twooooo?" and puts his index fingers together as though to illustrate his want, which is just cute anyway. I love him so much, and he has enriched my life completely.

Despite the annoyances of my brothers, I tend to think we have a great relationship. Sure I usually end up acting like a mother to them but I do it out of love for them. They take the piss when they need money, or a babysitter or someone to fix something wrong with their computers but I know if I need them they would help me out in a heartbeat. Sure, they will always be closer but then they are brothers, and only apart by one and a half years, so they grew up even closer. I guess I begrudge that connection a little but what we three have together is still good.

My dog Frankie, who I do consider family. I got her at a point in my life when I was really down (NOTHING UNUSUAL I KNOW) but her companionship over the years has been a great help to me. Even when it's 2am in the morning and I wake up with my leg draggling off the bed and my hip in a weird angle painfully while my dog lays stretched across my bed in peaceful bliss I cannot be angry at her. I dread how much I will miss her when she is gone, but for now I feel privileged to have such a wonderful pet.

Despite the recent childish and pathetic antics of my parents, I do still love them a lot. I've idolised my father over the years and while I know now that he isn't as perfect as I once thought as a child I do still appreicate him in my life so very much. My mother and I have always had somewhat of a inflicted relationship. Regardless I do love her a lot.

3. Friends

- I don't do this subject very well. Every friendship I've had in recent years irl I seem to have killed due to my own want to. It's hard for people to keep in contact with me when I practically blank them. I find it easy to forge friendships but I struggle to keep them as I seem to lack all desire to. So I want to thank Oliver (no not my nephew) for his constant friendship over the last 4 or so years.I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really don't deserve to have you in my life. No one makes me laugh quite as hard or makes me think quite as much or even makes me feel as much. I want you to be the very best you can be because you deserve that so much and you have dreams and goals that are begging to come to light. I cherish how important you make me feel even if I find it undeserving at the same time, and I feel overwhelmed when we talk sometimes as I think you're a much better talker than I am. I feel unworthy while I sit there and laugh at your jokes and have nothing to offer in return. You're the best friend a girl could have and I know that and I appreciate that and I thank you.

4. You

- If you've read all of this and found yourself not completely bored to tears then I thank you too.